That makes me think of: Self Centered Twat Monkey Edition

You all know the "That makes me think of" game right? No? Well it's sort of a stream of conscious type thing. Or rather how my brain is ALL the time. o.0

ALL. THE. TIME.

So this morning as I was knitting a row or two on my shawl before getting to work (not a normal occurrence, btw but I got up super extra early so thought why not.) I was thinking about my needles and gauge. I'm knitting Madli with my US 4 / 3.5 mm Metal Knit Pick Option Needles. I would be using my wooden ones as I think they have a bit more grip and make nupps and those sorts of things a bit easier BUT I seem to have misplaced my US 4 & my US 5 wooden tips. I have torn my house apart looking for them. I see now that I will have to order another set of tips to replace them. I've also started putting notes in my needle binder that says which project the tips in use are in. Now I just have to be good about putting the needle tips & cords back once I'm finished with them. Novel concept eh? :P

So anyway... as I was pondering my lost needles it made me think of how my gauge has relaxed a great deal in the last year. Used to be I could knit a pair of socks on a US 2.5 or even 3 and still get gauge. Now I'm knitting my sock on US 1.5 and getting the gauge I want for my socks. If I knit on the US 2.5 they are freakishly big. Which sucks as I have several lovely sets of DPN's in US 2.5 that aren't getting any action.

That made me think of how back when I first started knitting this asshat once put me down for having such tight gauge and bragged about how she had to knit with size US 1 needles to get the gauge that most people get when they knit with a size US 8.

Well La De Fucking Da, you Self Centered Twat Monkey.

First of all why should I even care about some strangers gauge. Why did she feel the need to share that and put me down for being a tight knitter. As if having freakishly loose gauge was any better than being a tight knitter?! o.0 Cause it's not. It just is. Just as being a tight knitter just is. Not good or bad, just whatever each knitter should know about themselves so they know how to proceed when they start a project.

So this morning as I was knitting my shawl and thinking about needles and gauge it occurred to me why that person had done that. Granted this was before there were as many online outlets for attention whores to get their "look at me fix", it's because she was a Self Centered Twat Monkey. *L*

That made me think of the most recent atrocities of selfishness this person has committed lately which made me at that time proclaim, "What a Cunt!" to the person who was wronged by the SCTM. Twat Monkey or Cunt Monkey it's all the same. Those people should be avoid at all costs.

Of course this morning as I was knitting it made me think about how much I love the phrase Self Centered Twat Monkey. :D

Sadly I feel like I know wayyyyy too many SCTM's right now. It's pissing me off and making me grumpy. Yet recognizing I have a problem with SCTM's is the first step to solving the problem. The next step will be to remove them from my realm of existence. :D I did that with a group of Self Centered Twat Monkeys last year and I have been soooooo happy not to deal with them.

So if you find you are dealing with Stupid People or Self Centered Twat Monkeys and it's pissing you off the only advice I have for you is to eliminate them from your life.

Or go on a killing spree, depending on the time of month and your tolerance level for such worthless creatures. ;)

Of course you will need to secure bail money, a good lawyer and an alibi if you are forced into the latter option.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!

Now that brings me back to the original thought which makes me think and question why my gauge has relaxed so much in the last year. Especially considering how stressed I've been.

Historically during times of stress my gauge has tightened up. My stress hasn't decreased any, though perhaps my knitting style has become more confident. That makes me think of the major change in my knitting in the last year. That would be Cookie showing me her fool proof and most awesome toe up short row toes and heels. That sort of clicked a switch in my head and I have a lot more confidence as a knitter. Even though now the Cookie Cutter Short Row Method is second nature and totally obvious at first I wasn't sure and it was a bit like flying blind. I had to have trust and blind faith it was going to work because my brain could not comprehend how it could work. Even if you were to fail though, it's just knitting. *L*

Now all of that makes me think how even though I'm more stressed I can always count on My Best Friend to be there for me. Even when I suck. That makes me less stressed. Throw in The Honey and Rendog and a few other people who have been added to my solid rocks of stability in the storm of life and you have more relaxed gauge in my knitting even though the world is in chaos. *L*

That makes me think how lucky I am to have the people I love in my life and how those few Self Centered Twat Monkeys don't really matter or bother me too much in the big picture.

But it's still really fun to say SELF CENTERED TWAT MONKEY!! :D

Edit: Damn this is a long post. I should give a virtual chocolate chip cookie to anyone who actually reads the whole self indulgent thing. *L*

Comments

[Cookie]

Have you been visiting Ravelry again?

xo

[Tiny Tyrant]

Totally love the SCTM phrase.

And now it seems I must break down and truly try Cookie's sock method.

[Stacey]

Love the SCTM. :D But, um... I thought it was all about me! *sniff, sniff* That Cookie Cutter short row thing has been amazing for my knitting too. Now I actually have to knit. The shawl looks gorgeous too.

[Carrie]

WAHOO, I get a cookie!
Gauge is a funny thing - I started knitting on a sock I haven't touched in a year, and while I used to be quite a loose knitter (interpret at will) I have tightened up (natch) and you can see it clearly in my sock.
Oh yeah, and you and I can be the slacker half of the shawl knitalong. :-D

[Angie]

I hoped you baked. :D

Aren't friends wonderful?! Confident knitting is cool.

Should we start up a bail fund? KIDDING! /sort of. I would probably be the first one to benefit from it....

[freddie]

Dude, that SCTM story reminds me of going carolling with the university choir in college (of which I was no a member)(which was a bit intimidating) and people brought their pitch pipes so that we could all be on pitch (which was a bit more intimidating) and this one SCTM kept having to say "I have perfect pitch" over and over again like a wind up (self centered twat) monkey. (which was even more intimidating)(I mean, I barely have a grasp of what pitch is) (or not)

Now, it would be funny yet annoying rather than intimidating.

[Sarah]

Your phrase helps me to keep the focus humorous rather than anger and frustration.

[gayle]

You could go to Cafe Press and have Self Centered Twat Monkey t-shirts printed up. Handing them out would be pretty effective. And cheaper than bail...